If nobody knows this fact, I want to move.. I want to live like I truly deserve.. To finally be free of horrible neighbors, no chances to be able to have a "friend" over.. I am having trouble because I'm fearful that I will be turned down because I don't make enough, or because I play trombone.. I don't wish to live where I am at anymore.. It's too depressing. Nothing anything good has come from me living there.. So, what do I do.. I escape, the only way I can.. By watching a gory movie, riding the "T" for no other reason but just to kill time.. I take my laptop everywhere, sometimes for no other reason but, almost as a security blanket.. I try to put my feelings down on paper, or into words, but sometimes, like my prayers feel as of late, are wordless.. A tear is about all I can produce.. I used to be much, much more than I am.. How did I let myself get so down on life, on the future?? Is it all my fault?? How can I climb out of this perilous pit??
I wish I knew the hymn of the Holy Three Youths from the fire (Book of Daniel. To be sang on Great and Holy Saturday Liturgy)
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